a story of betrayal
We were in a great place in our life…or so I thought! After a few years of financial struggle and job issues my husband was offered a new job with a raise and better benefits and I, my self was doing well at work and making a good living. We had even thought of starting a family and I was so excited because it felt like everything was falling in to place in our lives. The year 2013 started off with so much hope and expectations. You can only imagine my surprise when I found out that within a short time frame of 4 months from starting his new job, my Husband had started an affair with a married woman who was one of his colleagues.
I was shattered and furious with him. So I confronted him, and all he did was lie and deny and make me feel like I was imagining the whole thing. He kept explaining it was communication for work related purposes and for a while I too was living in denial because I didn’t think he would throw away years of what we had together for a Married Woman . Sometimes it’s easier living in a bubble than accepting realities.
To make a long story short for 18 months I stayed with a man who was not going to change his ways because he was so deep in to sin that he just didn’t care about what he was doing and who he was hurting.
Finally his girlfriend got pregnant and in August 2014 they had a baby girl who was a mirror Image of my husband and there was no doubt that she was his daughter. And that was when I decided to finally proceed with a divorce because things had escalated to a point where I had become the other woman in my own marriage.
I was angry with my husband and I was angry with his girlfriend and I was also angry with God! My whole life, the future I had envisioned for us, the plans that we had made had all come crashing down and I felt humiliated, deserted and depressed.
One day driving home from work I parked my car on the highway because I felt like I was having a panic attack and sobbed my heart out for 2 hours and I asked God why this happened to me? What had I done to deserve this? Then I finally felt the Holy Spirit calming me down and telling me that, God gives us all freedom of choice and my husband chose to walk in sin. It was not my fault! The Bible says that God has plans to prosper us and not to harm us and to give us hope for our future, so I knew this was not the ending to my life story.
At times like these even though some people think they help you by sympathizing with you and your situation, what actually happens is that you start to accept these vibes around you, you start to feel sorry for yourself and you get trapped in that victim mentality which is easier than actually being bold, learning to stand up, dusting yourself and moving forward with your life.
At The Scarlet conference last year (2014) the theme was unlock and I felt excited because I felt that something big was going to happen that day. But I didn’t know that it would happen to me. When one of the guest speakers was ending her segment she asked us to release whatever it was that was holding us back from walking in to God’s plan for our lives and from receiving His blessings, I recollected a message I had heard preached by Joyce Meyer who said that, un forgiveness is a Blessing –Blocker! And at that moment I felt like something in my body just snapped and how I can best describe it is that My heart unlocked! And released forgives towards my husband, his girlfriend and all the other people who had helped him pursue this relationship. My heart felt free and my whole body just relaxed and I just felt tears of relief just flowing down. I was free….and relieved. God had set me free!
Some people have asked me how is it that I could forgive a man who broke my heart and hurt me so deeply and how is it that I act like I have No scars from this ordeal. All I can say is that I had had enough of losing things in my life! And I was not going to be robbed off my future, by hanging on to garbage that had no place in my heart and life. God says to release forgiveness to others so that he can release forgiveness to us so I didn’t want to hang on to anger and bitterness anymore. It was draining me with no purpose. God promises that he will never leave you nor forsake you and to date he has been faithful to me in his words and deeds.